Here is a glimpse into another real day before healing began for me. Whether or not you have a Higher Power, my invitation to you today is to recognize that there is a power larger than you…and He has a message just for you…
January 2011
Late Saturday afternoon I began to feel the cloud of depression descend upon me. I had been doing well for several days and even that morning. The monster wanted to envelop me and I was extremely weepy and began to feel irritable and cranky. I plowed through dinner and then the kids wanted to watch a movie, so I decided to watch it with them (Steve went to the airport). About 5 minutes into it, I just about went to bed because all I wanted to do was cry and I felt angry–and there was no good reason, which always makes it doubly hard. For some reason I decided to stick it out and watch the entire movie. By the time the movie was over I was really a mess because it was a tear-jerker! (The Last Song)
I was trying to hold it together and everyone headed to bed. I began to get ready and the thought came,”Gather your children for prayer.” I thought, “I’m not going to gather them for prayer. I’m a mess. All I’ll do is cry. I don’t want to.” So I ignored the prompting. I began to take off my makeup. Again the prompting came. I justified it away. Then I decided to say my personal prayers because in this personal setting no one would be able to see how difficult it was to feel so rotten. At the end of my prayer, the thought came to ask to be able to feel Heavenly Father’s love for me. And so I asked for this and closed the prayer. Immediately the prompting came again: “Gather your children for prayer.” Okay, I got the message, I’ll call them. I also knew who to ask to pray–Britney.
And so we prayed. Britney has an amazing gift for prayer. She talks just like she is talking to someone in the room. She is thoughtful and introspective and grateful. This prayer was all of that and more. There was something else. And it was the overwhelming feeling and knowledge that God was putting His arms around me and telling me that He loves me. It was just what I had prayed for not five minutes earlier. I remember her saying how grateful, “we are to have parents that care about us and that create a good environment where we can learn how to be good people.”
I began to cry for the umpteenth time that night. I gave each child a hug and Crandall hung on for awhile; then Britney wrapped her arms around me and I told her what had just happened for me and thanked her for being in tune. I went back to my room and wrote it all down. When Steve got home he went into the girl’s room and asked how the evening went. Britney said, “I gave a good prayer.”
What is the Power that is larger than you trying to say to you? Write it down. And, with a virtual hug I say, “Hold on!!”
It matters!
(first published Nov 22, 2014)
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