My daughter asked me a very interesting question a couple of weeks ago:
What do you wish you had known 10 years ago in your parenting?
As a mother to five children, it has always been important to me to be intentional and thoughtful in my parenting. I want to do my best. I always wanted to raise thoughtful, resilient, and capable children who would enter adulthood with confidence. I wanted to instill within them the desire to be producers, not consumers.
What I have discovered is that while my desires are good–even praiseworthy by some–I was missing two very important pieces to the puzzle during my children’s’ formative years. Learning them has been a process. It hasn’t happened overnight. I’ve cried and yelled at streams and been frustrated and angry multiple times. The freedom has been slow in coming. But it has come. The relationships I now have with my children and the forward movement I am able to make has been worth every tear, every frustration, and every look into every belief about myself.
This is what I wish I had known then:
- I wish I had understood how to FACE and FEEL with my children, whatever they were experiencing.
- I wish I had understood that my personal value has nothing to do with the choices my children make.
Sharing the “how-to” of this with other mothers is a priceless gift. My clients are learning how to release themselves from the bondage of their identity being wrapped up in their children; they are reclaiming the joy that comes from truly being able to be with their children in the child’s personal pain.
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It matters!