Parenting Pre-Teens and Teens

I heard a brilliant call today while I was participating in a coach training I am part of.

The caller has 3 girls, ages 10, 12 and 14. Her mode has been to serve her daughters. As a Christian woman, she has been feeling called to move from servant to shepherd. She was also feeling like the reason why she is having such a difficult time doing this is because of trust.

As I listened, I wondered what this mother believed would happen if she began to trust her girls more with things like making their lunches, cleaning their rooms, doing what they say they will do, etc…, and then into “bigger” responsibilities.

My own personal experience says that had I been asked this when my children were these ages, I would have said, “They might not follow through. They might forget. They might do something wrong. They might get hurt…

And the biggest fear:

“They might fail.”

And if they fail, it means I’m not a good enough mom.

This lie was such a part of my subconscious that I didn’t even have a clue it was on repeat in my brain. Because it was on repeat, there were certain things I absolutely controlled, sending a message that I didn’t trust my children in their own journeys. Thankfully some rude awakenings began to help me change patterns and move more into the ‘shepherd’ role.

When parents stay in ‘servant’ mode and never move to ‘shepherd’ mode, children often survive instead of thrive.

Today I ask you:

What does it look like, sound like, and feel like to become a shepherd to your children?

It matters!


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I’m Mandy-Marie.

Life is full of challenges–mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. Being able to live from the wisdom gained from our challenges and mistakes is what enables us to become the best versions of ourselves. As a young mother of five, I was a mess of depression and perfectionism. Now as Nana to 5, my mess has become wisdom and propelled me forward with a passion for helping people show up the way they really want to!

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