Recently, I bought one of my grandsons a birthday gift.
I put thought into it. But when he received it, it became pretty obvious that it didn’t really speak to him.
I was bothered.
I love my grandchildren, and I want the gifts I choose to communicate that I know them.
But I noticed something different this time.
In the past, a moment like this could have followed me around.
I should have chosen better.
I should have known what he would like.
What started as disappointment could quietly become shame.
This time, I could see the experience differently:
This is information.
I can learn more about what he enjoys. I can change how I think about choosing gifts for my grandchildren. I can do something differently next time.
There can be a Hidden Pattern underneath moments like this:
When something doesn’t turn out the way we hoped, we can turn information about what happened into information about who we are.
Dinner didn’t turn out.
I’m a terrible cook.
Your child is struggling.
I must have done something wrong.
You forgot something important.
Why can’t I ever get it together?
The event becomes evidence about you.
But staying steady doesn’t mean you won’t feel disappointed when something goes differently than you hoped.
It means you have enough space to feel what happened without turning it into a verdict about your worth.
Instead of shame, you can get curious.
What happened?
What can I learn?
What might I do differently next time?
Sometimes something simply didn’t work.
That’s information–not an indictment.
Reflection Invitation
Where could you stop making an outcome mean something about you–and simply get curious about what it’s teaching you?
