How many times have you walked away from a difficult conversation thinking,
“What’s wrong with me?”
Maybe you became defensive.
Maybe you shut down.
Maybe you said something you wish you hadn’t.
For years, that was my first question too.
But recently, I’ve started asking a different one.
What am I trying to protect?
That single question has changed the way I understand myself–and the women I coach.
Because many of our reactions aren’t random.
They’re often our brain and body’s attempt to protect something that once felt important.
Being understood.
Staying connected.
Getting it right.
Avoiding rejection.
That doesn’t make every reaction healthy.
But it does mean there’s often a story underneath it.
When we stop judging ourselves long enough to become curious, something begins to change.
Instead of fighting ourselves, we begin understanding what our brain and body learned to do in order to protect us.
And that’s where healing begins.
Not because awareness fixes everything overnight.
But because curiosity opens the door that shame never could.
Over time, as God continues to build safety and capacity within us, those old patterns begin to lose their grip.
Not because we’re perfect.
But because we’re becoming.
I’ve discovered that growth isn’t measured by whether I ever react again.
It’s measured by what happens next.
Do I become curious?
Do I humble myself?
Do I return to connection?
Do I trust God instead of letting fear make my decisions?
That’s what becoming looks like.
Imagine finishing a difficult conversation without replaying every word for the next three days.
Imagine becoming curious instead of critical.
Imagine returning to peace instead of staying stuck in shame.
That’s the woman God is forming.
Not a woman who never struggles.
A woman who no longer lets one difficult moment define who she is.
So the next time you’re tempted to ask,
“What’s wrong with me?”
Pause.
Take a breath.
And ask a better question instead.
What am I trying to protect?
That question just might change everything.
