Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable it is not knowing why someone is behaving the way they are?
A friend seems distant.
A family member responds differently than you expected.
A coworker handles a situation in a way that frustrates you.
Our minds don’t like unanswered questions. So, almost without realizing it, we begin filling in the blanks.
I caught myself doing that this week.
I found myself frustrated with the way a friend was handling a situation. Years ago, I probably would have carried that frustration home with me. I would have replayed the conversation, created a story about why she was acting that way, and quietly let resentment grow.
Instead, I paused.
Rather than assuming I understood, I asked a few thoughtful questions.
As she shared more of her experience, I realized she was carrying the weight of a role she didn’t yet feel comfortable in.
Nothing about her circumstances changed.
But everything about my understanding did.
The hidden pattern
I’ve been thinking about why that conversation felt so different.
I don’t think it was because I asked better questions.
I think it was because I no longer needed immediate answers.
When we feel unsettled by uncertainty, our protective mind often tries to create certainty. We write a story that explains someone else’s behavior because knowing—even if we’re wrong—feels safer than not knowing.
Curiosity interrupts that pattern.
It allows us to stay present long enough to discover there may be more to the story than we first imagined.
What God has been teaching me
For years, I believed growth meant having the right answers.
Now I’m beginning to see that one of the greatest signs of growth is developing the capacity to tolerate not knowing.
To let someone else have their own journey.
To resist the urge to fix, convince, or rescue simply so I can feel more comfortable.
I’ve noticed that changing in my own life.
I feel far less pressure to jump in and solve someone else’s problem.
Not because I care less.
Because I’m learning that their journey belongs to them, and my steadiness doesn’t have to depend on how quickly they figure it out.
That has been incredibly freeing.
A gentle invitation
Is there someone in your life whose behavior you’ve been trying to figure out?
Before creating a story, consider asking one thoughtful question.
And if you still don’t have all the answers…
Maybe that’s okay.
Sometimes love looks less like fixing someone’s journey and more like remaining steady while God continues writing their story with them.
