Why Can It Be So Hard to Say What You Want?

Last week my husband asked what I wanted to do for my birthday.

I told him: I’d love to experience a sound bath.

That may not sound significant, but I noticed something in that simple answer.

There have been birthdays when I knew what I hoped for but didn’t clearly say it–and then felt disappointed when the day didn’t unfold the way I’d imagined.

Maybe you’ve done something similar.

You hope your husband notices you need help. You wish a friend would realize you’d rather do something different. You want someone who knows you well to simply know.

It can look like a communication problem.

But sometimes there’s a Hidden Pattern underneath it.

Hoping someone will just know can protect you from the vulnerability of saying what you want and not knowing how they’ll respond.

If you don’t ask, you don’t have to risk hearing no.

You don’t have to wonder whether your desire matters to them.

And you don’t have to feel the discomfort of wanting something they may not want.

So staying quiet can feel safer.

The problem is that the other person is left trying to interpret something you’ve never actually shared.

There is another possibility.

You can become steady enough to say:

This is what I’d enjoy.

This matters to me.

This is what I need.

Not because the other person must give it to you–but because you no longer need to hide what is true for you in order to protect yourself from their response.

That’s a very different kind of freedom.

You get to let the people you love actually know you.