Here is an excerpt from a talk I gave several months ago:
“15 years ago I began to exhibit signs of clinical depression. I remember wondering what was wrong with me. I had a great marriage, great children, believed in God, and had everything that I wanted. Yet I felt sad to say the least. I felt guilty because I had so many blessings and yet I truly did not feel happy. I thought that maybe if I just talked to God about it a little more it would go away. It did not. About 6 months into these feelings, I told my doctor. He prescribed an anti-depressant and within hours I felt hope return. It was as if my regular self emerged once again. I went about life engaged in raising our young family of five children, supporting my husband, and taking care to nurture myself with good friends and a manicure or massage every so often! The medication made it so I felt very ‘level’–no highs and no lows. This lasted for awhile. And then I began to realize that one of the side effect of of the medication for me was to loose feeling. I rarely cried or showed much emotion. Sometimes it even felt like I didn’t have a relationship with my Higher Power. The struggle became more intense. During this time I daily uttered the words, ‘Please help me have stamina to make it through today.’ And somehow I did. I did really quite well considering what was happening inside my head and body. I carried on. In fact, most people had no idea I was going through what I was going through. The belief that I should keep everything to myself is something that fueled the depression…”
I invite you to write down a battle that is raging in your mind…what does it feel like, look like, act like? Now it is no longer just battling inside of you. It has a voice, it has texture…and it is finally not just in your head!
It can be anything. Just write. It matters!
“Somewhere around 2009, my heart began to change. Up to this point, I had been asking for help to cope with the depression. As I look back now, I realize I was just enduring. That was it. I believed depression was my lot in life and that I would just have to deal with it the best that I could. I had an experience at our children’s school that caused me to ask a lot of questions about the motives of others–as well as my own motives. I really began to cry mightily to my Higher Power. A friend who had worked at the school suggested a book to me. This began my personal deliverance from depression. At the time, I had no idea this book and unlocking depression would have anything to do with each other…”
(first published Jan 30, 2015)