When It Doesn’t Seem To Matter

Did you know that any one honeybee “only” contributes 1/12 of a teaspoon of honey towards one pound of honey?  That same bee travels the equivalent of one to two times around the earth to gather enough nectar for this 1/12 of a teaspoon.  A hive of bees includes anywhere from 20,000-60,000 bees.  Why does one honeybee’s contribution matter?  Does it matter?  Surely another bee would pick up the slack if bee number 43,890 was having a rotten day or didn’t feel like contributing…

May 2000
I feel extremely out of sorts.  I look out my bedroom window and wonder what is happening to my world.  Why have things shifted so much?  What did I do wrong?  I do not understand.  I walk into the kitchen to pull dinner out of the oven.  I call my young children to the table.  I am about to explode inside.  I feel so much building up that I’m sure I’m going to pop.  I do not understand what is happening.  Steve is at the airport and will be home soon.  I leave the kitchen and go to the bedroom and begin sobbing.  The phone rings.  I don’t know why I decide to answer but I do.  On the other end is a dear friend from down the street.  I can’t hold it in any longer.  I cry even more.  I try to explain something to her.  She says, “Have you ever considered that you may have depression?”  I tell her no but that I am open to anything because I am tired of feeling miserable.  I’ve been fighting the darkness for months now.  

Steve arrives home and comes into the bedroom and is shocked to see me in tears.  He has had no idea because I haven’t told him.  I don’t want to tell him how much battle has been raging inside of me because there is no logical reason why this should be happening–our marriage is fabulous, our lives are great, our children are darling…


We leave the children in the care of my sister-in-law and go to dinner and then to the health food store to see if there is anything that could possibly help until I can get to the doctor…

So, does 1/12 of a teaspoon really matter?  Did it matter that this friend called when she did?  Did it matter that she suggested that I might be battling depression?  Did it matter that I received her suggestion?

It matters.  When has it mattered for you?

(first published Sept 14, 2014)

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Life is full of challenges–mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. Being able to live from the wisdom gained from our challenges and mistakes is what enables us to become the best versions of ourselves. As a young mother of five, I was a mess of depression and perfectionism. Now as Nana to 5, my mess has become wisdom and propelled me forward with a passion for helping people show up the way they really want to!

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